The Dissertation Diaries

I didn’t expect this part.

After three years of constant work, pressure, deadlines, and pushing through, I thought finishing would feel like pure relief. And in a lot of ways, it does. I am so proud of myself. I am so grateful. I am officially done.

But I also didn’t expect how tired I would feel. Not just “I need a nap” tired, but the kind of exhaustion that settles in after you’ve been carrying something for a very long time.

And there’s something else I didn’t see coming: a little bit of grief.

For three years, this work was always there with me. It shaped my days, my thoughts, my routines, even the way I saw myself. And now it’s quiet. That quiet is good. But it’s also unfamiliar.

No revisions waiting. No pressure hanging over me. No mental checklist running in the background.

Just space.

And if I’m honest, that space sometimes makes me panic. I’ll catch myself thinking I forgot something or should be doing something. But I’m slowly reminding myself: I didn’t forget anything. I finished something really big.

So I’m trying to meet this new season gently.

I’ve been taking naps in the middle of the day without guilt. I’ve been resting just because I can. I’ve been giving myself permission to not rush into the next thing.

And I’m actually really happy about what’s coming back to me.

Little things. My hobbies. The parts of me that were always there before this work took up so much space. I can feel myself starting to want those things again, like they’re patiently waiting for me.

It’s strange to hold it all at once. The pride. The relief. The exhaustion. The quiet. The happiness.

But mostly, I just feel grateful.

Grateful I did it. Grateful I made it through. And grateful I get to come back to myself a little more now.