The Dissertation Diaries

With about a month left before my dissertation defense, I am feeling something I did not expect to feel this late in the process: hope.

The last few months have been overwhelming in ways I could not have predicted. There have been moments where the process felt unstable and uncertain, and I have had to adjust plans more times than I can count. Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I realized that pushing harder was not actually the answer. Being more intentional was.

I have been very purposeful about when I work on my dissertation. When it is time to write, revise, respond to comments, or deal with all of the paperwork that comes with finishing a doctorate, I show up fully and focus on that work. I have had to be incredibly clear with my time and my boundaries about when things happen and when they do not.

Because the reality is that right now it sometimes feels like I am working three full-time jobs. Between my regular work, my dissertation, and a new leadership role that I stepped into recently, there are a lot of moving pieces and a lot of responsibility. On top of that, I want to be present for my family and friends and still make space for myself as a person, not just as someone trying to get to the finish line.

One of the ways I have managed that is by taking full days completely away from both work and my dissertation. Not half-working days. Not “just checking one thing.” Real days where I close the laptop, go outside, drink coffee slowly, spend time with people I love, and remind myself that my entire identity is not wrapped up in a document.

At the beginning of the year, I also made a quiet decision not to make New Year’s resolutions. January is still winter, and I wanted to honor that season instead of rushing into productivity just because the calendar changed. Winter felt like a time to slow down, rest, and regroup after a very intense stretch.

But now spring is starting to come into view, and I can feel the shift. I feel renewed. I feel rested. And I feel ready to grow into the final stretch of this work.

At first it felt counterintuitive to step away from the work when the biggest academic milestone of my life is only weeks away.

But the truth is that those breaks are the reason I can keep going.

Rest has made space for clarity.

Distance has helped me return to the work with better perspective.

And giving myself permission to pause has reminded me that progress is not only measured in pages written.

There is still a lot to do before the defense. But with one month left, I am choosing to believe that the work I have done is real, the story I am telling matters, and that it is okay to take care of the person writing the dissertation too.

Hope feels like a pretty good place to be right now. 🌱